Question."I would like to see another blog about how you are dealing with your friends from both sides? Talking about the good, the bad, and the ugly. I always find it interesting how friends have opinions about the partner, and how they deal with the newcomer."
I wish I had something bad to say to make this Blog a little juicier, but everyone has been fantastic, supportive and very happy for us.
The first time I went to Ireland was in January of 2020. People who knew me were a bit surprised. Everyone knew I loved to travel, but Ireland in January was definitely not me. Winter was for the Caribbean or Hawaii. When I told people I was going to meet a guy I had met 2 and ½ years ago in New York they all wanted to know why I had never mentioned him before. I told them and they all said to have a good time and don’t get hurt, simply meaning be careful of your emotions.
Before I went back to Dublin a second time Covid was causing panic in the US. I happened to be in CA at the time and was determined to get back to Ireland sooner than planned. I knew if something bad was going to happen, there was only one place I wanted to be and that was in Dublin with Aaron.
I was staying with an old friend and if it were not for all of her help getting me back here Aaron and I would probably not be married today. She was dead set on my finding a flight during Covid. She and I manned the phones for 3 days until finding one. She still has not met Aaron but was determined that if this was the man I wanted to be with than so be it, and I would. When we do speak on the phone she always asks how we are, not how I am. Aaron is already like family to her without the two of them ever meeting.
When Aaron and I got engaged I could not wait to tell my family and friends. I did my family first By the way, I am lucky to consider them friends. Despite my excitement I was a bit nervous because of the age difference which was as much of a surprise to me as it was going to be for them and my family loves to ask questions.
Questions they did ask. Mainly because I had never mentioned him before. I truly believe they were all very excited for me. They were also sad that they would not be able to attend the wedding since we were only allowed 6 people and I was not going to postpone the wedding until things were better. Of course, they did joke about the age difference but it was all in fun. They wanted to know if we would have to get a babysitter for him when the rest of us went to dinner and should they find a play school for him during the day and more.
Last spring when we went to the Arizona so he could meet the family, everyone was excited to meet him. I watched very closely and everyone treated him as family, like he had been around forever. I have a large family and it is hard to believe Aaron still has not met some of them. We have been married 2 years in two weeks. In the spring we will be going back to the States and hopefully he will meet the rest.
It was now time to tell my very good friends. Like my family they were all surprised I was getting married. Everyone could hear the love and happiness coming from me, how could they not be anything but happy for me. I was only disappointed in one person’s reaction and I realize now they were probably just having a bad day of their own. They did not say anything negative about Aaron or our getting married, they just did not sound very excited or happy for me. Since then this friend has said how happy they are for us.
My oldest friend and I talked for ages about the age difference. He loves younger women. Our conversation consisted of a lot of joking all in good spirits. He did let me know that he was jealous that I did not care what anyone thought and he wished he could be the same way.
I am hopeful that more sooner than later all my friends will get to meet Aaron. So far only two friends have met Aaron in person. We went to Paris for their wedding last November, then they stopped in Ireland at the start of their honeymoon I think in July and we will be spending a few days in Denver with them in the Spring. I would say that is a good indication they like him and enjoy spending time with him. I know my friends and I am sure that whenever they are lucky enough to meet him they will treat him like family. The same way I treat their significant others. he will be considered part of the clan.
I know none of my friends would never utter anything bad about Aaron. They also would never voice an opinion without being asked unless it was good. The best part is it would never even occur to me to ask anyone of my friends what they thought of him because I am so sure of my feelings for him. That is the best part. I think the old adage,"If you don't have anything nice to say don't say anything at all," should be practiced all the time.
Aaron also has had very good luck, that is to say no bad, and no ugly. Aaron’s situation was also vastly different than mine. When we met Aaron was still in the closet except to his gay friends. That meant he had to tell his family, college friends and the friends he grew up with that he was gay, getting married and to a much older man. Quite a mouthful.
Aaron decided it was only right to tell his mother first. Obviously she was surprised and I am sure a bit skeptical She said she wanted to have a zoom call with us that evening. I am sure I was the only nervous one. In the 2 years that I have known her now she has taken me aside to tell tell me twice how happy she is that we are married. She has also told Aaron how much she enjoys me. I laugh when she is in the country from Spain, she will say I have to say goodbye to my boys and give us both hugs.
Aaron grew up in the South of Ireland so he does not get a chance to see the friends he grew up with that often. They do have a group text where they all keep up with each other. When Aaron shared the news with his pals, everyone wished him the best. I have met a few of them and I know from Aaron that I passed the test. I only met Aaron’s college friends once but again I passed the test, good comments.
Now, the gays a bit harder to pin down. Aaron’s gay friends were mostly single and Aaron could make any party fun, His relationship with them has changed a bit.
He doesn’t see them as much as he used to. This is due to me, but not because they don’t like me, rather Aaron’s situation has changed. I do know that Aaron’s closest friend likes me but I also know if Aaron doesn’t start seeing more of him he will be in deep shit.
All in all we have not had to deal with any problems from our friends. But if truth be told we are mostly by ourselves. Obviously most of my friends are in the States. Anyone out there want to be our friend?