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A Gay Man's Life Unexpected Surprises

A few weeks ago Aaron and I had our 2nd Wedding Anniversary. We went out to dinner at a restaurant in town that we both enjoy, it is actually where we had our first dinner out together in Dublin. Neither one of us likes trying to come up with special things to do all the time so we decided if we are in town on our anniversary we will always celebrate at the same restaurant until one of us can’t tolerate it any longer.

Aaron and Mike out for dinner at the ivy restaurant

Now we all know two years isn’t really a long time to be married but I was reflecting on the last few years a bit and I still find it difficult to believe that this is my life. I would venture to say that most people who haven’t been married at least once by the time they are 60 figure they are never going to get married and that was me.

I am not sure if I am just morbid or practical but rather than thinking about getting married I was thinking more of how the remaining years of my life might be. Would I end up living in some sort of complex for old people? Would a bunch of my good friends get a house or condo together somewhere and just have one big party all the time? I kind of thought that one could be fun. Did I just want to travel? It was hard to imagine that I had probably lived most of my life.

Trying to be practical I was already giving things away, I thought I would never use them again. I can’t believe I actually, “entertained,” at one time. I feel foolish even using that word, entertain. That’s what my parents did, not me. I had proof though and I was getting rid of it. Silver trays, serving platters, crystal vases, bar sets, silver napkin holders the list goes on, who the fuck was this person. I can’t believe it was me. By the time I started doing this some of my friend’s kids were beginning their life of entertaining. They got some nice hand me downs.

Even when I first visited Aaron in Dublin the thought of marriage never entered my brain or heart, despite how I felt about him 2 and ½ years earlier when we met in New York and now. The U.S. was my home and it was inconceivable that I would pick up and leave, even if I thought I loved him.

When I knew I was going back a second time I thought it was just as easy flying to Dublin for a date as it was flying to LA from New York. Actually depending on the winds maybe even a little closer.

Mike having a drink on the place from L.A to Dublin

When I went back to Dublin the second time, slowly my ideas of the things I wanted in my life must have started to change. They changed so much that I decided I wanted to marry him. For a few weeks I probably wavered between thinking I wanted to marry him or wondering if I was fucking crazy to want to marry him. I don’t know when I decided I wasn’t crazy, but soon after we were engaged.

Reality sets in. Until now I had been staying with Aaron and his flatmate. I think it was probably the first day we moved into our new place and I said to myself what the fuck have you done. I knew without any doubts that I loved Aaron, but most people today at least live together for a while first. We never even got a chance to play house.

At first though I felt like we were a couple from another century who although they were getting married knew virtually zip about how each other lived or wanted to. I’m sure it was tough on both of us. I tiptoed a bit, not sure if Aaron did but I know he has more confidence than me. There were a fair number of surprises but 99 percent of them were good. I remembered I was so shocked that he knew what colors went together when we bought our bedding. Stupid, huh?

I had often heard the phrase, love is not enough. For us I believe it is along with communication, consideration and compromise. It is our love for each other that makes us want everything to work. Neither one of us had a lot of good role models growing up. Aaron and I have often said we’ve had a few bumps on our road. I somehow think it is our bumps that make our relationship stronger. You can use the bumps to learn or ignore them and watch things waste away. We always do our best talking it out and working together.

I don’t know if we taught each other but we believe our three C’s are a fundamental key to our relationship. I won’t say we have never hurt each other, we have. Just like the bumps, one always has the choice of what to do when one of us is hurt. When we know one of us is hurt we try and rectify it as soon as possible. I also try and think more before I speak too often I think after I speak. A friend once told me he could not believe that I had never been punched out. Too often what is on my mind is on my tongue.

I was telling Aaron the other day that when we started our Blog it was filled with funny stories about our antics and idiot things we did when we were younger and or single. I can’t explain it properly but we still do idiot things that we are always laughing about, but somehow they seem like more grown up idiot things.

I laugh so much to myself and with Aaron sometimes when I hear us planning for things in the future. Can this be us? This is something else I never thought I would be doing with someone, let alone Aaron. I love hearing Aaron talk about the the things he wants to do and accomplish in life . Although I may have done some of these things before the idea of doing them with Aaron makes them seem fun and exciting all over again.

I have made one discovery that is probably due to our age gap and I do feel bad about it. I hate to think I hold Aaron back. I know sometimes he would like to be out to all hours getting blasted where I might be happier at home. By the same token I am also happy if he wants to be out and I can stay in reading a book or catching up on stuff I want to get done. He is under more pressure than me being at work 8 hours a day. I can also take a disco nap if he allows me. I am pretty sure that is the only age-gap problem I have found in our 3 years together.

Aaron and Mike in the shower

To summarize looking back over the two years of marriage, it has been more wonderful than I could have imagined. Honestly, I have said it before, I never had an idea of what marriage should be. I actually don’t have the words to tell people how happy I am. When friends ask how I am doing, I start to tell them and then I shut up. I can remember times when friends could be telling me everything going on in their lives and I might feel a twinge of envy or think, what's wrong with my life, not my intention. I think the ups you feel in your life are greater when you have experienced your share of downs.

All things have a learning curve and the longer we’re with each other the easier it becomes. (Not that it was ever hard.) I embrace how we have come to know each other. I often feel like we could exchange places and play each other to a tee. It feels like we have been together forever and can do anything except the simple things like keeping a tree alive on our terrace…guess we’ll always be working towards something.


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