For the most part Aaron and my age gap marriage is the same as any else’s marriage or relationship. Once in a while we do see some differences and when we do we’ll tell you about them. Usually they are what we consider pluses.
We just got back from spending five days in Spain with my in-laws. The weather was perfect and Aaron and I both needed that sunshine. There has been very little here in Dublin. Hopefully spring weather will be arriving shortly. Besides the sunshine it was great spending time with his mom and stepdad. His parents are wonderful people and I can’t help wondering if part of the reason I enjoy them so much is because we are so close in age. Could this be an advantage of an age gap relationship?
All of Aaron’s family has really welcomed me with open arms. One of the nicest aspects of my relationship with his parents is that at some point I really think we will become friends.
I think if I was Aaron’s age the dynamics of the relationship would be much different. I think back 25-30 years ago and who I was as a person then. Back then I did not have the confidence that I have today. I probably would have been nervous feeling I had to make a good impression. I would be scared that they might not like me or think I was good enough for their son. If I was Aaron”s age or younger they would probably be interacting with me much differently.
Being older now and having so much confidence in who I am as a person helped so much when I met them. I was still nervous though. Here I was a much older man marrying her son who only just told her he was gay and marrying someone much older. I can only imagine the thoughts going through her head. I wish I had better memories of the first dinner. I am sure I was very relieved when it was over. (I always tell myself to keep a journal, but never seem to get started.) Now I am completely at ease with them. I also look forward to the time we spend with them. It seems the better I get to know Michelle, his mom and Brendan, his step dad the better I get to know Aaron. I learn more about who he is as a person and how he became who he is.
Since Michelle and Brendan have accepted me into the family so warmly I feel that in addition to having in-laws I will have some new friends. Our time together is spent talking about our lives, adventures, current events even the simple mundane parts of our life. Since we are more or less contemporaries I think it makes it easier for us to get to know one another.
I am sure the first time they met me they probably had reservations that Aaron was marrying someone so much older. Since I passed the interview they have treated me I believe as a friend and a son-in-law. Although our lives have been completely different they have still been shaped by so many of the same historic events giving us many common denominators in our lives.
I have only been with them 5 or six times but each time it is easier. After this trip I will probably be looking more forward to seeing them again than Aaron. Another plus for our age gap marriage.
My mom died many years ago. I wish so much she had been alive to see Aaron and I together. It would have made her so happy to see us married. When I was young we had a tumultuous relationship but as I grew older we came to understand each other and were very close. I know she would have treated Aaron like a son. The relationship would certainly be different than the one I have with his parents due to the age difference.
I am really trying hard to picture the relationship they would have had. When I said my mother would treat him like a son I think she would be peppered with questions like, what did you major in, do you like your work, what's new in your life etc. She would probably be so old and forgetful I would probably have to remind her who Aaron was all the time. It would have been a lot harder for them to find common ground,
I was lucky enough in March to bring Aaron to the States to meet some of my brothers and sisters. We have not really talked about what it was like for him but we will now that I am writing this Blog. As far as I am concerned, if the whole world knew Aaron they would love him, so I could not wait to get him to Arizona and have everyone meet him.
Aaron has friends of all ages and gets along with just about everybody. Suddenly though he is married to a much older man and it is time to meet his family. I am sure like me when I was meeting his family he was wondering what they were thinking. I have a feeling it was probably a bit scary for him as he was meeting so many of my siblings, spouses, nieces and nephews at once. My family was dying to meet him since they had never seen me happier and for that reason alone he would be part of the family. I am sure it must have been a bit difficult for him being so much younger than all of my siblings. Actually they have children older than Aaron.
I don’t think he was overly concerned about what they would think of him. He is more confident than I was when I was his age. If I had been in his shoes I think I might have been somewhat uncomfortable not really knowing what to talk about with them. I also have a large family, making it a bit harder for Aaron meeting everyone at once. I was a little pissed that they did not make more of an effort sometimes to engage him. I realized soon though that they already considered him one of us and treated him the way we all treat each other.
I am sure as time goes on and my family comes to Ireland it will be easier for him as he will have the chance to visit with them one on one rather then 20 at a time. When that happens I think they will all grow very fond of each other
Everyone always asks about the problems in an age gap relationship. I suppose Aaron and I concentrate on the pluses. As I said my age has made it easier for me to build a relationship with his parents that I hope will continue to grow and that I will not only consider them my in-laws but also my friends.
I think for Aaron meeting my family was a bit more difficult. First because of the age but that was not the main reason. Basically he was thrown into a strange setting where he was meeting all of my family at once. There wasn’t really a chance to build any relationships in such a short time with so many people,
I do know my family accepted him completely. What mattered to my family was the love they saw I had for him. I believe my brothers and sisters feel the same way I do. That is even if one of us married someone we were not crazy about we would still accept them and treat them like they were a member of the family. What matters to us is that our siblings are happy.
Aaron and I are both very lucky. It does not matter to our families what our sexual orientation is or what are ages are. What matters to them is how much in love and how happy we are.
