It’s. 5:00AM and I am waiting to wake Aaron at 6:40. That is 5 minutes before his alarm is set to go off. I’ve said before that this my favorite time of day to spend with him. I can’t wait to jump into bed and spoon him, of course this leads to a bit of a humping and who knows what else. It just can’t be helped. At 6:45 the alarm goes off and I know I only have 5 more minutes before he tries to get out of my legs that are wrapped around him and get ready for work.
Lately it feels like we haven’t had any time together. We have been away 2 of the last three weekends. One at his mothers and another at his brothers, then of course there was Arizona for two weeks with my family the previous month. They were all good times, but we had no alone time.
Even though the weekends with the family were great and Aaron and I were always together for the most part, I missed him. I missed the extra 5 minutes we get to spend together in bed in the morning, our quick coffee before he leaves for work i even though we are usually too tired to talk about the day. I missed our time in bed in the evenings because we were always so exhausted when we were with our families that the minute our heads hit the pillow we fell straight asleep.
I missed that special connection I always feel when we are at home. At first I thought maybe it was just spending the time with his family and possibly I was not that comfortable with them, but I also felt that way in Arizona. I missed those few times a day that are just ours.
I think we have been spoiled over the last 2 years. We had so much time to ourselves. Now that things are getting back to normal and our lives are getting busier I hope those special moments will not be lost. There are so many little things that help me stay connected to Aaron. It can be something as simple as being able to hold hands for five minutes. Other times we will simply take a walk to nowhere talking about nothing and enjoying the fact that we are with the person who means the most to us.
I am guessing, but I am sure there are many couples, gay couples, straight couples etc who forget how important it is to find ways to stay connected with one another. I have heard that many therapists tell their clients that they should have a date night. I always thought this was funny but I do understand now what they were saying. Actually I never feel disconnected from Aaron it is just that so much of the time our connection is so strong I want it to be like that always. If it was though would I know it?
It gets so easy to be lazy. I never take Aaron for granted, not even for a minute. I should be more pro-active though in making plans for us to do different things, especially since Aaron is game for anything. Too often I neglect or forget to make plans because I am so happy at home with him and never bored having him for company. Pre-covid i was probably home at the most 3 nights a week. Now I am so used to being home as ridiculous as it seems the thought of making reservations is just a pain in the ass.
Sometimes I could kick myself for thinking more about what I want or to be more exact not what Aaron wants.. Last week we were going out to dinner somewhere nice. I was planning to dress a little for dinner and at the last minute said fuck it. It was too much of an effort for me to dress nice. Aaron likes to dress nice and he was that evening. I know he did not care that I was not but I should have wanted to look good for him. Sometimes it is too easy to start forgetting the small things.
Since I have moved to Ireland I have virtually lived in sweat pants and a t- shirt, looking like shit most of the time. Aaron has never said a word. He was actually the one who said I should start wearing sweats that everyone does in Ireland. In addition, Aaron also makes me feel so good about myself and the way I look that I never even look in the mirror and take a good look at myself. I probably should though, it would probably be a rude awakening to how little I go to the gym or eat properly anymore. I guess that is what being married does to you. Again Aaron’s fault because he always tells me I look good so much. My point is that sometimes something so small like looking good for the person you love can make them feel good and if it’s no skin off your back, do it.
I have not talked to Aaron about this but I hope he feels that I take as good as care of him as he does to me. He is always cooking for me despite the fact he works all day. In addition, it is always what I want not what he wants, Then he tries to leave some extra for my lunch since he knows I forget to eat. The same when we pick TV shows. He wants to watch what I want. He says, he loves to see me smile. The best he does and I have no idea how he does it, but he puts up with all of my bad habits. I know sometimes he would probably like to throw me out the window for one of them. Instead he quietly lets me know I’m irritating him. In this way I wish I could be more like him.
I think one of the nicest things about us as a couple is that we are usually thinking of the other person. Except for the occasional fuck up like at dinner the other night and I know he did not care, but I should have.
Grand gestures have never done it for me. I think they are usually for the person who gives them and other people to see. I’d much prefer a warm smile or, “is everything okay you look a bit down.” I think there is a saying, remember it’s the small things that make a difference. If it’s not it should be.
I have a wealthy friend who prefers the grand gestures. When he is going out with a women and she starts bugging him about getting married he buys her a 3 or 4 carat diamond engagement ring to keep her quiet. After he gives it to her he tells her to wear the ring with the diamond not showing so they can keep it a secret for a while. When he does this I laugh because I know this is her sendoff. At least she has a diamond to sell. Anyway instead of grand gestures maybe if my friend learned to have an honest relationship things might be different. He might also save some money.
When everyone is so busy it is so easy to let your relationship slide, especially now that most of us are back to work. I doubt there are a lot of people with great relationships that don’t put work into them, No matter how much Aaron and I love each other, we still work at it, and it only reinforces how much we love each other. Every morning and evening we say I love you to each other. It might sound stupid or not necessary but when I say it to Aaron it also serves as a little reminder to me to cherish him and put everything I have into making him happy.